Jehovah’s Witnesses

Having been inspired to great artistic heights by Mormons and Scientologists, I was going to pick on Jehovah’s Witnesses next.  In my old house they used to visit me and resist my attempts to convert them to something else on a regular basis.  I have been in my new house a year and they have not visited at all.  I suspect this is because there is a big hill you have to climb up to get to me (yes, cos I spend my time meditating on top of a mountain), and the local Witnesses round here might be a bit lazy.  So my poem was going to have lines like

Hey Jehovah

why don’t your witnesses like to climb over

the hill and visit any more

I never seem them

they don’t call

they don’t tuck the WatchTower

under my door

And then there was going to be something about how I hope that he is a vengeful god, because his Witnesses were ignoring me.

Then I came home the other day and the alleged Mrs Chip, if there should be such a person (I don’t think there is for this persona), had placed The Watch Tower and Awake on my desk.  Bugger!  They had been!  That spoiled everything.  Curses!  Foiled again!  I am struck into appropriate politeness, and it is for the best.

I like the monster Jehovah’s Witness in Ghost Story by Peter Straub.  The bit about Dr Rabbitfoot.  He was scary.

I hope none of this sounds rude, I have to write about something.  (Or do I?)


10 responses to “Jehovah’s Witnesses

  1. I vote you write it anyway – writing doesn’t have to BE true to the alleged real world, it just has to FEEL true. And I think you have some great lines there to work with. I’d read it definitely. 🙂

  2. In New York City male teenagers emerge from mitzvah tanks (Winnebegos blaring music and be-muraled with likenesses os sect leaders alleged to be messiahs) to ask passersby if they are Jewish. Occasionally I have my wits about me enough to ask one if he is Jewish first. They always look puzzled,, which is satisfying.

    • Australians generally don’t go in for public displays of anything, including religiosity, so we tend not to have street corner evangelists and that sort of thing. I haven’t seen Hare Krishnas doing their thing for a long time, though they run a vegetarian soup kitchen in Sydney. I did recently see a fellow handing out pamphlets for scientology, but he was a bit down at heel and not much of an advertisement.

      • That’s a very interesting cultural difference. It seems at times that Americans overall like nothing more than to take their emotional pants down in public and either plea for pity and bask in victimhood, or boast about the quality of their goods, be they political, religious, ethnic, gay, straight, hip hop, or physical. May I please be an honorary Australian?

      • we have many faults Ron – we’d welcome you if you flew in, but if you arrived by boat from Indonesia we’d react the way some of your countrymen do to those sneaking across the Mexican border
        I don’t know if it is because of our start as a penal colony, or the post WW2 mass migration, but we are not big on flag waving. I quite liked the Spielberg version of War of the Worlds. The most shocking part for me was not the alien invasion etc, but the scene of the working class suburban street where every house flew a flag – each to their own, I’m not being critical, but you would just not see that here. I have family who have joined Hillsong, which is a local incarnation of the Assemblies of God, and while there is more of that sort of thing than 20 years ago, most people feel very uncomfortable with that sort of demonstrative religion. Maybe its a working class convict thing, you don’t do anything to draw attention to yourself, you don’t do anything to stand out from your “mates”. There are many pluses to it, but also a big downside. I think we are a lot like the US in many ways, but there are significant cultural differences. if I had the power to grant honorary status, I’d be very happy to give it to you!

      • Thanks, I appreciate that.
        It’s interesting to hear you describe Aussie diffidence. The stereotype here in the states is of either loud muscular beer-guzzling types who don’t mind telling anyone at all what they think, or top-of-the-line gorgeous specimens of thespian humanity who do better American accents than their British colleagues.

  3. Pingback: Around the traps with your mate, Joe Chip « I AM YOUR MATE JOE CHIP

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